“Judging a person does not define who they are, it defines who you are.“
It’s a sad reality, that we so seldom take the time to get to know anyone anymore, and we easily adopt others opinions as our own, which in turn, causes us to judge individuals we have never even taken the time to talk to, the barriers go up, we distance ourselves and walk away never even giving it a second thought. I have always heard the saying “Sometimes, what you see isn’t what you get.” I never really understood the true impact of that statement until it literally hit me, and now, I couldn’t agree more! At the same time, I have also said many times, and heard it said, “What is that persons issue with me, they don’t even know me!” Too often, we tend to criticise others for the very things that we don’t particularly like about ourselves, and we don’t even realise it.
“So ultimately … If we like who we are, then we shouldn’t have a bad word to say about anyone else right?”
How many times have you disliked someone due to an issue they have with a relative or a friend of yours? Their issue isn’t even your issue, but you back your loved one in an effort to show support, without ever having met the person, or even having an understanding of the situation.
“What You see isn’t always what You get, and what You get, depends on what You see.” …
Sometimes, even though we start off with “good intentions” by trying to be there for a friend, and help them, we end up making choices that leave an innocent bystander a target of judgement, discrimination and disregard, and the worst of it is, that it was never intentional. I recently experienced a “before and after” moment, one I am not proud of, but one that has helped change my mind-set for the better.
Before, I Looked at this person and I believed they were unpleasant, I believed they were not worth a second of my time, I believed in my negative assumptions … Then, I Saw this person and I knew they were genuine, I knew they were worth allowing into my life, I knew they were someone I could actually call a friend …
“There are just way too many awesome people out there, and I would much rather have them in my life adding value!”
I have always been “so big” on “not judging others”, yet I have been one of the worst, and I have acted on those bad judgements which have resulted in others being hurt unnecessarily. It is one of those situations where I would take it all back if I could, yet at the same time, I am glad it happened and wouldn’t change a thing, as I have learnt so much from the experience, and it has made me realise how judgemental I actually was. This is one life lesson I am truly grateful for!
“Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it. Right is right even if no one is doing it.” …
Although people have been hurt along the way, I also think that together, now that this person is in my life, we have shared an amazing experience of honesty that has shaken the very foundation I was once so proud to stand on. “They” do say that Pride comes before a fall, and I guess they were right. At least this friendship has been built on a foundation of brutal honesty, tears, laughter, scary moments, fun-filled exploration, mutual experiences, many long conversations, and of course the essential “glass of red or two” along the way! This is exactly how every relationship should be built, yes?
And … What did I discover? I discovered yet another fabulous person to add to the ones I am already so blessed and fortunate enough to have in my life! I discovered a person I could openly share so much with as they had been though almost identical life experiences. I discovered that we had the same sense of humour, the same likes and dislikes, the same personality traits … we are pretty much “two peas in a pod!” – I discovered a friend. We never actually know what we are missing when we choose to disregard a person, and we don’t know whether that person is meant to add the most value in our lives, the only way of finding that out, is to give them your time, get to know them, and then decide whether that person is someone you would choose to either have in your life, or live without.
“Today is a bigger, brighter, better day that I cannot wait to embrace! I love my life and the people who are in it.”
I for one, am happy that I decided to change my view, and focus on the positive, I feel like I can see clearly, much clearer than I have in a long time! I want to live with love, and love what I live! Life is so amazing, I can’t believe it has taken me 30 odd years to realise it!
“If we all understood that everyone has their own battles to fight, insecurities to face, loves to contend and goals to attain, the world would be a gentler place.” – Unknown
- “You Can’t Go Around Judging People” (cilla44.wordpress.com)
- Because I Knew You – Guest Post by Matthew R Merrick (elisestephens.com)
- Judge Not And You Will Not Be Judged (alliswellintheworld.wordpress.com)
- Judge “Mental” (esthersuantak.wordpress.com)