“Keep Your friends close and Your enemies closer.” – Mario Puzo
Friends can so easily become enemies, and enemies can become friends. I have had many friends walk in and out of my life, When someone I love so much is no longer in my life, then yes it really has hurt me and I have battled to let go. I have come to realise that the majority of my pain has not been through any fault of theirs, but rather due to the pain that I have allowed myself to feel because of my reaction to the loss and my mind-set at the time. If You have never lost a friend in some way, then You must be one of the very fortunate few. Most of us have experienced the pain of finding out that someone we loved so much as a friend, is not who we thought they were. What does friendship really mean and are the expectations realistic. In my case, my friends are genuinely the family that I choose for myself, the people I want to have in my life.
“Remember that You become like the 5 people You spend the most time with, we would do well to choose carefully, we really are who we hang around.”
In the past Year I have lost friendships that I never thought I’d be without. Those friendships were long term, some as much as 10 Years. The first was due to a “familiarity breeds contempt” scenario. We spent way too much time living our lives dependant on what the other one was doing, it was incestuous and frustrations evolved, things were said to the “circle of friends” we shared, but not said to each other, and “gossip” was born. Another was due to the fact that I was accused of having an affair with their significant other; I honestly thought my friend knew me better than that. One was due to the fact that I started the journey that I’m on now, and one of things I have become so passionate about, is to forgive, let go, and move forward. My friend just couldn’t understand that, I don’t “hate” who they do so I lost that friendship. And, last but not least, the most recent one is due to “oblivious distance”, they do say that ignorance is bliss.
“In the end we remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends’” – Martin Luther King Jr
As much as I have lost friendships, I have also gained a friend that I never expected, didn’t even like, and it has become one of the biggest life changing influences for me. There is always a positive spin to every negative; we just need to open our eyes to it. We started off as enemies, we became friends keeping enemies closer, and now we are genuinely just great friends! From this one friendship alone, I gained the courage to face my own judgemental self; I gained the positive boost I so desperately needed in life. We grow and learn from the friendships we have. So it goes without saying, You don’t need many friends, You just need one true one. I am truly blessed to have the very special friends I have in my life Today, I can count them on “more than one hand, but on less than two” and that is all I need. I only hope I can be half the friend to them as they have been to me, because without them, I really wouldn’t be who I am Today. They don’t doubt what they know to be true, they love me regardless.
”Everyone is a friend until they prove otherwise.” – Unknown
Why do friendships become broken … Well, that would be because we expect others to react the same way we would. We think that our feelings should be more important to our friend, than their individual right to feel their own way about something. We expect our friends to fulfil the gaps we have in our lives. We expect our closest friends to echo the things we are most passionate about, instead of them having their own identity. We expect our friends to be honest with us even when we won’t listen to the truth. We expect, and expect some more, and expect again! We take every emotion out on a friend, and expect them not to be hurt by it. We want way too much, and we wonder why our friends will fail us, why they will disappoint us, why our friend was not so perfect, or not the same person we once placed high up on a pedestal.
“Don’t do something permanently stupid because You’re temporarily upset.”
Instead of having so many expectations from a friend, we need to remember the basics. Friendship is based on a foundation of two people, not one, and both are equally as important as each other. If You love someone You call a friend, then surely we need to act out of love, instead of anger when our expectations are not met. We need to be the friend we want to have in our lives. I agree that not everyone that comes into Your life is meant to stay there, but the manner in which You part ways is also important and says more about who You are than it says about Your friend. Don’t walk away from a true friend, just because they are not perfect. Don’t walk away from a friendship because You have had a fight over a silly misunderstanding, rather have the strength to stand Your ground and work through it.
“Decide which friendships are the ones worth fighting for, and fight!”
It is never too late for an apology, and it is never too late to forgive. Don’t let Your pride dictate who Your friends are. It takes more strength to love someone, than it does to hate them. To love a friend, means You need to accept them even though they have faults. When You decide to call someone Your friend, make sure You live up to Your end of the relationship, friendship has never been a one way street. Friendship is unconditional. True friendship is based on trust, honesty and sincere generosity of our hearts. If You don’t open Your heart to Your friends, You will not have an open mind for them either, and judgement is allowed to creep in. Think before You cut the ties that bind Your friendship together.
“Hold a true friend and don’t let go, for a true friend comes once in a life time.” – Unknown
Friendship means understanding, not necessarily agreement. It means forgiveness, and forgetting. Forget the bad, but if You can, try to remember the good, remember the great, remember the friend. It means awesome memories last even when You are no longer in each other’s life, and You may look back at the past with a smile instead of shedding a tear. If a friend ever returns to You, it might never be the same as it was, but You may discover that it was never what You thought it was to begin with. Freedom is the key to friendship. I’m never going to be who You want me to be, all I am asking is that You love me enough to give me the freedom to be me.
“In life, we never lose friends; we only learn who the true ones are.” – Unknown
To my very special and amazing friends, I just want to say I love You, and Thank You! Friendships to me do last forever, even if the person is no longer around to see it. Everything really does happen for a reason. For whatever reason You were brought into my life, whether You are still in it, or have already passed through, You have made a contribution to who I am Today and I am grateful for that. For those of You that are true, I’m holding on, and I’m not about to let go anytime soon. You my friend will always have a place in my heart. Friends till the end … I’ll stand by You.
- What Type of Friendships do you Have? (searchingforthehappiness.wordpress.com)
- Me and Friendship (Just ME) (keytomylockloveletters.wordpress.com)
- Emotional Fitness: How to be a best friend (vcstar.com)