I wasn’t expected, I was selected …

Adoption doesn't discriminate

 

“I view adoption as children who were not expected … they were selected”

 

The fact that you may share the same DNA doesn’t make you a parent, or even qualify you as family for that matter. It is love that binds, love that sustains, and love that determines who your family is. Blood may be thicker than water, but water is generally used to clean the stains blood can sometimes leave behind. I know of many families that share the same blood and that are not as close as the family we choose and select for ourselves, that have no blood ties whatsoever but share a bond like no other. I guess it all comes down to unconditional love, true affection and acceptance. After all, we are pushed away by the people we love the most when they refuse to accept us for who we are, and battle to love us. Whereas the ones who choose to have us in their lives, they are the ones that really want us there, they are the ones that love us unconditionally.

 

“My life has been shaped by the decision two people made over 24 years ago. They decided to adopt a child. They got me, and I got a chance at the kind of life all children deserve.” ― Karen Fowler, Reflections on Motherhood

 

Some people were just not cut out for parenthood and yet others were born for it. There are some parents who do not really want their child, whether it be due to age, financial situation, a trauma, lack of support etc, whatever the reason may be, they are not maternal and do not feel connected to the child they have brought into this world. The flip side is that there are also those who are unable to have children, yet it is all they want in life. They pray, cry, dream, and hope for the absolute gift of a child. Barren woman, sterile men, and gay couples would give everything to know the love of their own child. To put them to bed each night, read bedtime stories, wake up to morning cuddles and laughter, do all the things that we as parents are so fortunate to be responsible for. I never looked as my responsibilities as a mother as an actual gift before, but it is a gift and I enjoy the things denied to others who dream of what I have.

 

The gift of our son

 

 

Adopting one child won’t change the world, but for one child the world will change.” – Unknown

 

A friend of mine has recently adopted, and I am so grateful for the blessing given to this family unit. Ever since I met Manie (back in the day) he made it known that his dream was to have a family of his own, to know and share unconditional love. Manie and his partner Morne were so desperate for a child; they considered every option of surrogacy, and adoption, with no expense spared, they just wanted their little bundle of joy. They were prepared to do whatever it took to make their dream a reality. They were so passionate about it, Manie would take any opportunity to look after his friends children, mine included, but it would be as if they were his children. Manie would go “all out” and have a spare pram, car seat, camp cot, bottles, nappies, whatever the children needed, they had. My son spent one night with his friend Gabriella at Manie’s house, and he didn’t want to come home. Manie is an individual with so much love to give; it almost seemed cruel that this dream that comes so easily to others was almost unreachable for him. I couldn’t be happier for this deserving couple, and their little blessing – their son Loïc.

 

Manie has created their blog to share their experience and their absolute joy – Loïc. They have just celebrated Loïc’s first birthday. To show how grateful they are, I have included an extract from the blog below –

 

“We decided to use his first birthday as a “Let’s Give Back” campaign in honour of all the Kangaroo Moms taking care of our child in those very important 60 days. We asked all the guests to please contribute nappies, formula or clothes for ages 0 to 3 months. Everyone donated generously and for that we say THANK YOU!! You will never know how much we appreciate it!! I will be delivering the goodies to our Social Worker in the week for distribution.”  – http://mydadsandi.blogspot.com/

 

If I had the finances, trust me … I would adopt. I have often said I would have 10 children if I could, they are the greatest gift we could ever hope to receive and they are family! I love the fact that there are so many amazing people out there with hearts bigger than we could ever imagine opening up their lives and adopting these beautiful children. To give them love, a home and a special place in their hearts, to give them a family.  Isn’t it something we all want … to be a part of something special, and to belong?

 

We can change the world

 

 

“I really believe that we can change the world, or at least try to make it a better, brighter place.”

 

I respect, admire and treasure the courageous individuals who adopt, they are making a difference, they are actively changing lives, and they are inspiring! I believe that adoption will always have a share of heartache attached, because at some point, somewhere, there is always someone feeling rejected, whether it is the biological parent, the adopted child, or the parents. I wasn’t adopted, but I never knew my father, and when I did find him, I was rejected by him and his wife, and kept as a secret from the rest of the family. Rejection hurts, but people like Manie and Morne are there as the healers, and the givers of love for those of us that so desperately need it. Their story is inspiring and I am so excited to see what adventures they experience on their new journey of discovery as parents. The joy of acceptance and unconditional love, far outweighs the struggles and challenges of adoption.

 

“Adoption doesn’t discriminate, it only sees and feels with the heart” … I don’t care if you are straight, gay, single, young, old … whatever you are, if you have adopted a child as your own, it makes you a miracle worker, it makes you a hero in the eyes of your child!

 

Thank you to all of you who are being the change you want to see in this world!!!

 

“Was it the act of giving birth that made you a mother? Did you lose that label when you relinquished your child? If people were measured by their deeds, on the one hand, I had a woman who had chosen to give me up; on the other, I had a woman who’d sat up with me at night when I was sick as a child, who’d cried with me over boyfriends, who’d clapped fiercely at my law school graduation. Which acts made you more of a mother? ….. Both, I realized. Being a parent wasn’t just about bearing a child. It was about bearing witness to its life.” ― Jodi Picoult, Handle With Care

 

I will never fully understand the reasons for giving a child up for  adoption, but until I have walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, I can’t really say anything and it is not my place to judge. I am grateful to those people who do want better lives for their children because they give people like my friend Manie, a chance to have the family they have always dreamed of.

 

walk a mile in someone else's shoes

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “I wasn’t expected, I was selected …

  1. Heather Freeman says:

    WOW……you are an inspiration my Chris. You work a serious day, are a single parent & yet you make the time to share your life views with others…THANK YOU XXX

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